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Hidden Meanings

Still on the topic of the Jewish month of Elul and the idea of contemplation as we approach the Jewish New Year and Day of Atonement.

My eldest son had homework tonight about what the Hebrew letters of the word Elul
(א  ל  ו  ל) can remind us of in the liturgy. The most commonly known one is:
I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me
אני לדודי ודודי לי
It is often translated, however, as:
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine
This line comes from the book Song of Songs.

But the Hebrew does in fact translate to indicate the directionality in the relationship - each is to the other. We are facing our beloved, we are juxtaposed one to the other.

And that goes back to my earlier post about intimacy and atonement. Our relationship with those closest to us, including our beloved, can be intimate and authentic when we actually face the other, turn to the other, make ourselves fully present and vulnerable to the other.

To become two halves of a whole requires deep understanding, patience, authenticity, honesty, vulnerability and the intimacy that comes from all of those characteristics. I would argue that the element of conflict, disagreement and outright fighting serve as indicators of the overall health of a relationship. If two people have built a foundation of patience, understanding, honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity then the intimacy that has been established will allow for the conflict that is inevitable in a deep relationship and provide the support needed to work through the conflict. It is precisely when we are not fully present for our partner, when we have not turned completely to our partner that we are holding back and so those moments of conflict become ones of pain and hurt that expand and overwhelm the healing potential of the intimacy we are trying to build as the foundation of our relationship. The work of building that vital intimacy is often hidden from us; we are not even aware that it is being built until we notice we have destroyed it.

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