Love, with a side of mac and cheese

At the end of the day, even with all the frustrations and challenges that may come from our relationships with family, hopefully, there exists a foundation of love on which to rest.

In those days when we have to face up to the fact that our family is imperfect, that our relationships are flawed, that something is lacking for us, having that foundation beneath us can help us keep standing.

There are certainly families and relationships where that foundation of love is cracked, or even failing. So then the work that needs to be done is more intensive because repairing the foundation must either come first or together with the other work needed. That can be hard. And there are situations where the foundation is just flat out missing.

If we can see what our foundation is - solid, cracking, damaged, failing, or missing altogether - that can help us as we work on the rest of our house.

And hopefully someone has a pot of macaroni and cheese cooking on the stove top.

Comments

Macher or Schmoozer?

I'm working my way slowly through the book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam . In a nutshell, which has to be pretty big because it's a hefty book, it's about social behaviors and the decline of them in the US - things like voting and participating in the political process at all levels, and engaging with volunteer and community efforts. Chapter six looks at Informal Social Connections. At paragraph two of the chapter he mentions the Yiddish words macher and schmoozer . That stopped me in my tracks for a moment. He continued to explain that fundamentally a macher is a doer, someone who makes things happen in the community. Whereas a schmoozer is a talker, a person with an active social life, someone who focuses on informal connections to others. And while it is certainly nice to sit and talk with someone, at the end of the day that's all a schmoozer does. Alternatively, the macher will sit and visit with you and then either your roped into helping or the macher...

Taking the time

Last night I went to a talk given by Dr. Avivah Gottlieb Zornberg last night. She spoke about guilt, atonement, and intimacy. My takeaway from this evening, even as I am still unraveling what she laid out for us is as follows. Elul has been described as like a bird hovering over a nest - waiting, ready to arrive, not yet there, but at the same time present. From this point she moved to the relationship between G-d and Moshe. After all of Moshe's hard work to build, carefully, diligently, the Tent of Meeting (אוהל מועד), Moshe remains outside, as if hovering over the nest, waiting to enter, unable to enter. Calling to others - as G-d calls to Moshe - is our way of calling attention to the other with whom we want to speak. Saying a person's name indicates that we have a desire to speak to her and elevates the communication, adding impact and intimacy of the conversation. Interestingly when Israelis talk to each other there is always a great amount of time asking each other...

A very fine line

There is a remarkably fine line between making excuses and offering explanations. It can be quite challenging to know the difference and that confusion can lead to difficulties. We work hard to help our children learn the difference between making an excuse for behavior versus offering an explanation to help figure out how or why something happened. Sometimes it is helpful to get the background but sometimes it just confuses matters. The balance between excuse and explain is similar to the one I have been pondering between blame and responsibility. Sometimes when we are trying to assign responsibility we actually end up placing blame. Both are a bit of a slippery slope that we should only start down with great caution. Strangely the challenge of excuses versus explanations is more easily addressed with children, which also tells me that it's more commonly understood as opposed to blame versus responsibility. We'd all do better to see the fine line between the two.

An Instant In An Eternity

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