We all come from a family, whether we belong to a family or not at the moment. By family, I mean there are people with whom you are closely, genetically related.
I'm tackling a new project this week that involves making a number of phone calls. It's been fun and rewarding so far. Interestingly tonight as I made a few of the phone calls I was struck by some family connected-ness that I encountered.
One call was to an old, dear friend. Our lives seem to keep crossing paths in a fairly informal kind of way - enough to keep our friendship alive but not necessarily deepen it or harm it, either. After some time living in other parts of the US she moved back to where she grew up and has sunk down deep roots. I was struck as we finished our chat about how nice that must be for her to be in a place so close to her family. Her family bonds remain strong so when a major family event happens they all gather, even if they all aren't in the same town. It's remarkable, really.
Another call left me pondering the name for a few minutes and then turning to Google. I knew that name from another phase of my life and maybe, just maybe it was the same family. Well, yes it was, small world after all! The way I confirmed the family connection ended up through an article online mentioning the grandfather of the name on my phone list being an esteemed Reform Rabbi and that when he was honored his daughter and granddaughter were in attendance, confirming that the college professor and the younger Reform Rabbi were in fact related and tangentially connected to me. The article commented on the strength of the family ties in this particular family.
Family is an important part of who we are. It is who we come from, not where, just who. And for some maintaining those ties is not healthy, safe, or productive. In light of these two families that came into my viewfinder tonight, I was struck by the difference in how my family gathered when my grandparents were "running the show" compared to now after their passing. I'm still, more than 10 years since that generation passed on in my family, puzzling out why this happened. What is it that my grandparents did that brought the family together? Or what is it that the current elder generation isn't doing that fails to bring the family together? What can we take away from this difference? And how does all of that inform my smaller family that I am building with my husband?
That's the point that loops me back to the start of this post. Where we come from, what kind of family we had or have, directly informs what kind of instinctual family building we will do. In the absence of clear awareness of wanting a different paradigm we fall back on our upbringing and family roots. What can we do, what do we do, when we want a different format for our generation?
I'm tackling a new project this week that involves making a number of phone calls. It's been fun and rewarding so far. Interestingly tonight as I made a few of the phone calls I was struck by some family connected-ness that I encountered.
One call was to an old, dear friend. Our lives seem to keep crossing paths in a fairly informal kind of way - enough to keep our friendship alive but not necessarily deepen it or harm it, either. After some time living in other parts of the US she moved back to where she grew up and has sunk down deep roots. I was struck as we finished our chat about how nice that must be for her to be in a place so close to her family. Her family bonds remain strong so when a major family event happens they all gather, even if they all aren't in the same town. It's remarkable, really.
Another call left me pondering the name for a few minutes and then turning to Google. I knew that name from another phase of my life and maybe, just maybe it was the same family. Well, yes it was, small world after all! The way I confirmed the family connection ended up through an article online mentioning the grandfather of the name on my phone list being an esteemed Reform Rabbi and that when he was honored his daughter and granddaughter were in attendance, confirming that the college professor and the younger Reform Rabbi were in fact related and tangentially connected to me. The article commented on the strength of the family ties in this particular family.
Family is an important part of who we are. It is who we come from, not where, just who. And for some maintaining those ties is not healthy, safe, or productive. In light of these two families that came into my viewfinder tonight, I was struck by the difference in how my family gathered when my grandparents were "running the show" compared to now after their passing. I'm still, more than 10 years since that generation passed on in my family, puzzling out why this happened. What is it that my grandparents did that brought the family together? Or what is it that the current elder generation isn't doing that fails to bring the family together? What can we take away from this difference? And how does all of that inform my smaller family that I am building with my husband?
That's the point that loops me back to the start of this post. Where we come from, what kind of family we had or have, directly informs what kind of instinctual family building we will do. In the absence of clear awareness of wanting a different paradigm we fall back on our upbringing and family roots. What can we do, what do we do, when we want a different format for our generation?
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